Hagar's Voice

This statement is made in light of The Meeting House Town Hall that occurred on March 8th, 2022 as the findings of investigation into Bruxy Cavey were shared with The Meeting House congregation.

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Initial Statement from Hagar

“There was a question in the Meeting House Town Meeting that was very reasonable given the language that was used in the explanation of the findings. Someone simply asked,

“Wasn’t this just an affair?”

Executive Chair of the Overseers Board, Maggie John responded directly,

“No. The investigator found given how the relationship started, which was in a clergy/counsellor relationship, Bruxy abused his power and authority. And as the pastor, Bruxy was responsible for ensuring he did not abuse his power and authority.”

I feel this question has come up because the findings failed to name this abuse of power and authority explicitly for what it is: clergy sexual abuse. This began during a pastoral counselling relationship when I was 23 and he was 46. I was in crisis and trusted him, and I did not, nor could I, consent to a sexual relationship with him.

This for me was *NOT* an extra marital relationship or affair, it was a devastating twisting of pastoral care into sexual abuse. Last night, the Meeting House shared that they stand with victims and do not tolerate abuse or sexual misconduct. I hope you can understand why I need time to process the trauma of this moment but in the future I would like to share about how clergy sexual abuse can be prevented, and other victims and survivors can be protected from further harm when they come forward.

For now, I would like to speak to anyone listening who is or has been sexually abused by their pastor and doesn't know who to trust or where to go. Maybe you've been sexually abused by your pastor and you are confused. You've been told it's an extra marital affair, that it's loving, and you feel confused because you deeply care for and want to protect your pastor from any harm. Maybe you've been told you are the only one who understands them.

Jesus sees you. He is holding your face in his hands, looking you straight in the eyes, and speaking truth to you. You are being abused. Jesus can rescue you from this abuse, and he can help you right now. Your life matters to him. He's with you. Invite the light of truth to break the lies and secrecy that this pastor has trapped you in. Tell one person you trust. I know you can do it because I did. Jesus is so much bigger than you can imagine, and he sees you and will never stop rescuing you.”

If you too are a victim and would like to be put in contact with prayerful advocates that will stand with you, please feel free to get in contact.

Please also consider completing our "Raise Your Voice" survey.